Unmasking ADHD: Reclaiming Your Authentic Self

The following excerpt is adapted from The ADHD Awakening by Sara Kelly.

For many adults, receiving an ADHD diagnosis is only the beginning. The harder part comes afterward, when you realize how much of your personality has been shaped by masking—filtering, rehearsing, and pretending to appear “fine.” Unmasking isn’t a single moment; it’s a slow, often uncomfortable process of reclaiming what’s real.

Unmasking doesn’t mean abandoning all coping mechanisms—it’s about keeping what empowers you and letting go of what holds you back. One woman shared how terrifying it was to admit she needed an “ADHD day” and work from home, pacing and talking to herself without judgment. A decade ago, she said, she would have rather died than admit it. Another participant, Vanessa, began cautiously, unmasking with close friends first, giving herself permission to fidget, and speaking without rehearsing her words. Their acceptance, she said, “was like oxygen.”

Small victories like these illustrate a crucial point: the right environment matters. Sharing your authentic self with supportive people can shift your experience from bracing for judgment to being truly seen.

The first step in unmasking is self-awareness. Masking is automatic for many, often unnoticed until you feel the relief of letting the mask drop at home. Ask yourself: Am I filtering my words to avoid judgment? Am I mimicking someone else instead of being myself? Do I feel exhausted after socializing? Am I forcing hyper-organization or perfection to compensate? Journaling these observations can reveal patterns, though consistency is often a challenge.

Unmasking also involves questioning the silent rules we’ve created: “I must be perfect,” or “I can’t ask for help.” Some of these rules may protect us, but many are rooted in fear of judgment. One participant reflected on the moment she disclosed her ADHD at work: she had feared judgment her entire career, but her manager responded with understanding, support, and guidance that allowed her to lean into her strengths. Experiences like this show how empowering authenticity can be.

Reframing ADHD traits as strengths is key. Interruptions in conversation can be reframed as excitement or curiosity. Fidgeting can be used to focus energy rather than suppressed. Struggles with rigid structure can become an asset when paired with flexible planning methods.

Ultimately, unmasking ADHD is about reclaiming agency, embracing authenticity, and shifting the narrative from deficit to strength. It’s not about perfection—it’s about letting yourself be seen, one unmasked moment at a time.

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For more on embracing ADHD and living authentically, find The ADHD Awakening on Amazon.

An ADHD coach, Sara Kelly helps women with late-diagnosed ADHD and AuDHD understand their brains, reclaim their self-worth, and create lives that finally feel manageable. Her coaching focuses on compassion, clarity, and ADHD-friendly strategies that actually work for ADHD brains. She uses her professional training and her lived experience of battling anxiety, burnout, and believing she simply needed to try harder to help career-driven women feel seen, supported, and empowered as they learn to thrive on their own terms. She lives in Edmonton, Alberta, Canada.