The following is adapted from I Buried Her in a French Press by Sarah Barnes-Humphrey.
The moment I realized Bonnie was taking advantage of me was when she asked me to cut my honeymoon short to work a trade show—for free. When I said no, she accused me of leaving her in a bad spot. That’s when I finally saw what our “friendship” really was: she wasn’t my friend, she was using me.
There had been red flags before, of course. Like when she gave a speech at my wedding and—no kidding—joked that I liked golden showers. I didn’t hear it at the time, but when someone told me later, I wanted to disappear. My boss, colleagues, friends, and family had all heard it. When I confronted her, she brushed it off: “You can’t take a joke.” Classic gaslighting. That was the last time I stepped foot in her apartment.
I had met Bonnie years earlier on a sales call. She was building a makeup brand, and I helped her navigate customs. One meeting turned into a friendship, and that friendship turned into an unpaid job. I believed I was helping a fellow female entrepreneur chase her dreams—and, in a way, I was—but I was also escaping my own uncertainty about my career. Helping her made me feel useful, seen, capable.
Before long, I was essentially her business manager. I got her contracts, handled logistics, even stood on stages to promote her products. I went to trade shows several times a week, sold her products, and never earned a dime—not even gas money. But there was excitement too: TIFF parties, free makeup, the illusion of belonging. It all made me feel like part of something bigger.
Looking back, I can see what was really happening. I didn’t just lose sight of my boundaries—I never had them in the first place. I confused being needed with being valued.
When I started lending her money, things hit a new low. She stopped paying me back, and I still found ways to justify it. I told myself that good friends help each other, that one day she’d come through for me. Even after everything, part of me thought maybe I should just cut my honeymoon short—it’s the right thing to do.
That’s how little I thought of myself back then.
The truth is, when you don’t value yourself, you leave room for others to decide your worth. And people like Bonnie are more than willing to do just that.
Boundaries aren’t walls—they’re blueprints. Without them, you’ll keep building someone else’s dream instead of your own.
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For more on reclaiming your self-worth and setting healthy boundaries, you can find I Buried Her in a French Press on Amazon.
Sarah Barnes-Humphrey is a globally recognized storyteller, podcast host, and fierce advocate for self-worth and authentic leadership. The founder and voice behind Let’s Talk Supply Chain, the Women in Supply Chain series, and Blended Podcast, Sarah has built a powerful platform to amplify voices that often go unheard. Her work—featured by BBC World News, Bloomberg, Inc., The New Yorker, and HuffPost—centers on creating spaces where vulnerability sparks transformation. With a passionate global following, Sarah brings courage, clarity, and connection to everything she does. A proud Canadian and stepmom, Sarah finds peace with sand beneath her feet, the ocean in her ears, and community at her core.